So, a lot has happened in the past few days.
A. Lot.
Surprise, another baby is coming!
Thursday morning I woke up feeling a little weird. Slightly in my feels, which after the past two weeks is not uncommon but pair it with a little excessive mouthwatering and semi nauseous feelings and ya start wondering if its something more.
I tried pulling up an online calendar/calculator type deal to see if two pink lines should be on my radar, and the answer was yes.
But what was more shocking was the potential due date for my next potential little nugget.
August 13th.
Daddys birthday.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow.
On cue, the slightly panicked exciting feelings took over. Plus an emotional breakdown because daddy would have loved that. Another grandbaby. Especially on his birthday. They would have been two peas in a pod. He would have told everyone.
I ended up getting a test later that day, and even though its best to take them in the morning, I took it that afternoon. And low and behold. 2 pink lines.
Daddy sent me a baby straight from heaven.
I told my girlfriends that afternoon, and one by one they all said it was going to be a girl and I would have my little Willow, a nickname that was daddys in high school. It just seems fitting, especially if I am really due on his birthday.
I held it together really well all afternoon. Until I got home and shared the news with the hubby.. Yes, I told the Fab 5 before my husband. It's #3. It's fine. We're fine.
But just talking to him and realizing that this baby will never know the love of such a great pawpaw broke me.
He won't be here to hold this baby. He won't be here to spoil it with chicken nuggets. He won't be here to bring popsicles or gravy and biscuits or toys.
He wont be here.
And this baby won't know what they could've had.
He held me and let me have my breakdown, uncontrollable tears for 20 minutes.
I just miss my daddy.
So. Much.
It hurts me physically. And there is nothing anyone can do to help. Its a pain that can't be remedied.
Last night I dreamed about him again.
This time we were able to talk and have a conversation.
I asked him if he knew about our news and he grinned real big and nodded his head.
So I know he sent this baby to help heal my heart.
It may help some. But it will never be the same.
Hug your daddies.
Hug your mammas
Hug your brothers
Hug your sisters
And nanas and pawpaws and aunts and uncles.
They're here one day and literally gone the next, while you're still here. Trying to learn to live with a piece of you gone.
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