Making Rounds

As stated in the introduction, I have been in this club for 18 days now. 

So far, I will either only cry 1-2 times a day, or, I will literally cry all day long. Like a sobbing mess. Because life isn't fair and I want my daddy back. 

Today though. My tears were slightly different. Because early this morning he finally visited me in my dreams. 

I dreamed that I was at my pawpaws house, which is where he lived. He was in a recliner, and so was my pawpaw, his father,  who passed last year. 

They both looked SO good. 

They both had weight back on their bodies. I'm pretty sure they were both in overalls, shocker, and they were smiling, shootin the shit, just living their best lives. 

I pulled up a chair next to daddy and grabbed his hand. 

It was warm. 

And I sat there. 

Watching them. 

After a few minutes I asked him how he was, how he's been, how's it going?

 He said "Well its going alright I reckon!" 

And smiled. 

I just sat there. 

Happy.

 Happy to be with him. 

Happy to be holding his hand. 

Happy he seemed to feel better and look better. 

And when I woke up,all too soon, when I was still inbetween the state of being sleep and being awake, I could still feel his warm hand in mine. 

I cried off and on all day. 

Out of happiness that he was letting me know he's ok. 

Out of sadness because he isn't here. 

Out of anger because my babies don't have their pawpaw anymore and my brothers and I don't have our daddy. 

And out of longing, just to really see him, or hear him, or hug him, or hear him laugh. 

So yeah,  Welcome to the Club, I hope your dad visits you soon, and I hope mine does again too. It sucks ass in the best way possible.